翁帆写给杨振宁的情书,翻译惊人(原文)

今天偶然 Google 了一下杨振宁,忽然发现我当年在水木清华 BBS 上发表的翻译(下文中黑体)被无数人转载还传颂。晕倒啊晕倒!绝对不能算是什么高水准,只是出国没多久无聊中一时兴起翻译了玩一下!印象里是发在家版的?现在仔细一瞧里面其实谬误挺多。

不管怎样大家 Google 一下 “翁帆写给杨振宁的情书,翻译惊人” 就能发现被转载多少次了……

作者:李峥  2008-4-27 13:42:50 阅读:95
关键字: 情书 翻译 杨振宁 惊人 翁帆

你是老杨的话,你会怎么回?翁不愧为才女,英文情书写的如此煽情,就是钟馗看了也能变小生了。不知道是哪位大仙(我啊,呵呵)翻译的,把英文翻译成如此水平也是不容易了。赞~

Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have
withered.Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your
eyes,whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge
out.

此处冷,彼处更冷。枯叶凋零,君属何人。君面惨淡忧郁,含泪而笑。君热泪盈眶,喃喃自语,难言再见。妾心沈落,泪涌似涛。

Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another
world. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing.
Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was? amazed. Your
face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. Youled my
hand, danced along the crazy theme.

酷夏。仍忆鸡尾酒会。君执妾手,共享二人世界。君坐妾之侧,长发束于脑后,英姿勃发。笑容荡漾。妾讶君面尤类杂志封面。旋转,君执妾手,疯狂舞曲。

Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by
greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on
me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece
from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together.

灯酒相辉,芳雅相应,祝辞笑声此起彼伏,芸芸皆劳碌于握手。君站立一旁,美目探妾。妾莹灯下颤颤而立。此必上帝之杰作,使妾晕眩。虽妾与君相隔甚远,然心相近。

Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side. We would
ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a
good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted
my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I
shouldn’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your
disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I
feel all the same.

往日已去。君云君将于阿尔卑斯山畔待妾,滑雪于雪花飞舞之天空下。妾欲说还休,但嘱祝福。飞机渐逝,妾心将苦。妾深知妾之愚蠹,君已窃妾心,妾当不可漠然于暗中彷徨。妾尝试忘君之失,然无可善终。妾信某日某时,妾将告君妾心永驻。

My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in
flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride,
yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land — snow
measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of
Christmas bell!

妾于忏悔中挣扎,不时退缩,犹豫。妾愚于处子之傲,然潜纵于君之诺。白雪皑皑,君挽妾身,妾意甚欢,共听圣诞钟声。

The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of
Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I
trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching
nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.

钟声忽止于急雨,乃听撒旦之笑声。含泪微笑,黑暗相伴。妾欲寻君之发擦君之泪而不可。妾伸手欲触,无他,但枯叶一雨滴耳。

Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.

雪花渐融,妾与君仍天各一方……

个人看法:情是浓,只是总觉得一个如此年轻的女人,嫁一个比自己大这么多的老人能幸福吗~

如果我是杨,绝对不会娶翁。
如果我是翁,绝对不会嫁杨。

杨是对翁负不起责任的,翁必将接受漫长的守寡或者再嫁他人的宿命。

还有如果我是杨,我立马给她回一封绝情信——长痛不如短痛,促使她尽快另觅新欢。

如果你真爱一个人,应该为她一生一世的幸福考虑,而不是为了自己一时的快乐。

[后记:2008 年 12 月 25 日,偶然想起原文是我在 2004 年发在水木清华 blog 上的,名为《译翁帆杨振宁情诗》,居然还配了插图和 reference,看来当年写论文的确写多了…… 😀 ]

译翁帆杨振宁情诗

英文诗应该是翁帆在她自己的天涯社区 blog 发的。转载自文学城 wenxuecity。

今天偶然看到有人在兵马俑 BBS 上转载。看了看,觉得翁不愧是英文系的研究僧,
写得不能不说非常优美。台上一分钟,台下十年功,所以说她空手套白狼,不管怎样也是劳动所得啊,呵呵。

Anyway,尝试把她的几首诗翻译了一下。离 “信、达、雅” 仍有一段距离,纯属业余水平,诸位见笑。

翁帆原文:

2004-8-13 星期五 (Friday) 晴

今天从北京回来, 在天涯上申请了会员, 又建了 BLOG.

找到以前写的诗:

Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have withered.
Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes,
whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.

Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another
world of band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and
killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was
amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin.
You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.

Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered
by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there,
eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A
masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were
together.

Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at the Alps side. We would
ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a
good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted
my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I
shouldn’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your
disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I
feel all the same.

My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in
flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride,
yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land — snow
measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of
Christmas bell!

The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of
Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I
trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching
nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.

Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.

posted by 翁帆 @ 2004-08-13 21:28

翻译文:

2004-8-13 星期五 (Friday) 晴

此处冷,彼处更冷。枯叶凋零,君属何人。君面惨淡忧郁,含泪而笑。热泪盈眶,
喃喃自语,难言再见。妾心沉落,泪涌似涛。

酷夏。仍忆鸡尾酒会。君执妾手,共享二人世界。君坐妾之侧,长发束于脑后,
英姿勃发,笑容荡漾。妾讶君面尤类杂志封面。旋转,君执妾手,疯狂舞曲。

灯酒相辉,芳雅相应,祝辞笑声此起彼伏,芸芸皆劳碌于握手。君站立一旁,美
目探妾。妾霓灯下颤颤而立。此必上帝之杰作,使妾晕眩。虽妾与君相隔甚远,
然心相近。

往日已去。君云君将于阿尔卑斯山畔待妾,滑行于雪花飞舞之天空下。妾欲说还
休,但嘱祝福。飞机渐逝,妾心将苦。妾深知曾经愚蠹,君已窃妾心,妾当不可
漠然于暗中彷徨。尝试忘君之黯,然无可善终。妾信某日某时,将告君妾心永驻。

妾于忏悔之海挣扎,不时退缩犹豫。妾愚于处子之婚,然暗记君之诺。白纱飘飘,
君挽妾身,妾意甚欢,共听圣诞钟声。

钟声忽止于急雨,乃听撒旦之笑声。含泪微笑,黑暗相伴。妾欲寻君之发擦君之
泪而不可。妾伸手欲触,无他,但枯叶一雨滴耳。

雪花渐融,君与妾天涯一方。

translated by:synyan@smth 15:11 2004-12-19

[附图]:翁帆和杨振宁(图片来源:人民网

参考资料

1、文学城,http://news.wenxuecity.com/BBSView.php?SubID=news&MsgID=21450,12/16/2004
2、张帆,人民网,http://www.people.com.cn/GB/wenhua/22219/3061310.html,12/17/2004
3、Tom 新闻,http://news.tom.com/1002/3291/20041217-1657586.html,12/25/2004

(C) 2004 synyan. All rights reserved.

This entry was posted on 星期六, 12 月 25th, 2004 at 17:44:30 and is filed under 影评书论.

沪江英语《翻译鉴赏与点评》最后一段对我译文的夸奖是有点抬得太高了。其实我觉得翁帆的英文还是很强的。

综述:网友们的翻译精致典雅,而且已经比原文更加强大,值得大家细心揣摩。倒是英文原文并非如大家吹捧的那样高雅精深,其实称不上是 “骈体英文”,多出地方带有明显的中式英语痕迹,还有些地方存在疑问,如果英文不是出自翁帆之手,这更像是从中文版本翻译回的英文,这点还需要大家自己判断,不要一味盲从,或者受到中文翻译的影响,无形中抬高了英文的水准。这里的中文翻译在文采上无疑是超过英文许多的,在翻译实践中,这样偶为游戏可以,但是不要一味学习这种花哨的译法而不考虑原文实际。译文如果高出原文的话,也是不符合翻译要求的。

我翻译的大概是第一个古文版本。其实还有其他版本,比如新东方的李锦森就翻译了一篇,也很强大。只不过这位先生貌似搞错了到底是谁写的文章,才出现了 “红粉佳人,啜饮柠檬,宛然一笑,为之倾倒。近观窈窕淑女,美若封面女郎,须臾晕眩” 这样立场错误的笑话——我不认为翁帆当年著文是 “男女互指”。

此处寒冷,彼处冰冷。

而侬独自飘零,心似枯叶。

见侬脸色苍白,神情忧郁,

欲强颜欢笑,却泪盈于睫。

哀伤眼神,无声呢喃,道出临别珍重。

目睹此情此景,吾心沉如铁,泪海决堤。

忆起炎夏,鸡尾宴会,暖意顿生。

难忘爱侣,突执吾手,悄然离席。

恍惚之间,驻足仙境,乐队齐奏,谱写恋曲。

侬坐吾侧,长发盘后,冷艳绝美。

红粉佳人,啜饮柠檬,宛然一笑,为之倾倒。

近观窈窕淑女,美若封面女郎,须臾晕眩。

耳边乐声,狂热不羁,侬轻牵吾手,共赴舞池。

灯红酒绿,谦谦君子,闻香识女。

舞会人群,寒暄握手,恣意言笑。

但见有女,娉婷而立,目光炙热;

深情凝眸,摄人心魄,吾心悸动。

侬似天生尤物,吾已目眩神迷。

身处两地,心共跳动。

光阴荏苒,好时不再。

侬临别依依,与吾相会,阿尔卑斯;

漫天飞雪,驰骋雪橇,穹下共舞。

吾无所答,唯道珍重,机场话别。

飞机已逝,突舐心痛,

蟠然醒悟,过去愚笨,

既倾心于侬,何必黑暗躲藏。

曾欲忘却侬之失意,终未饮忘情之水。

憧憬某时,与侬表白,吾心依旧。

吾彷徨挣扎,欲表白心迹,

却犹豫踌躇,退缩止步。

吾愚钝如昔,仍故作矜持,

却暗自沉醉,雪地之约。

雪花狂舞,依偎臂弯,忽被举起。

耳畔传来,圣诞钟声,祥和安康。

雨落滴答,钟声绝鸣,

脑海浮现,地狱撒旦,

恶魔狂笑,萦绕耳际。

吾咽泪装欢,梨花带雨,却被吞噬于漆黑夜空。

焉能摩挲侬之发髻,拭去侬伤心之泪?

徐徐伸手,斯人已逝,

唯有雨滴,疑苍天泣。

个人觉得翻译得最强的还是这篇仿《楚辞》的,不过很多地方貌似都是抄的我的字词嘛,呵呵:

此处寒兮,彼处亦寒。

枯叶凋零兮,君当何人属欤?

君面惨淡忧郁兮,相看带笑泪眼。

君热泪盈盈复喃喃喁唧兮,别亦难。

沉落兮,泪涌似涛自难抑。

当忆酷夏兮,鸡尾酒会欢娱。

君执妾手兮,沉醉于二人世界里。

君坐妾之侧兮,髻发高束;英姿勃发兮,酷毙。

笑逐颜开兮,温润如玉。

讶君之面兮,再世吕布周郎。

心荡漾兮,手为君执;和曲起舞兮,癫狂。

灯盏相辉兮,芳雅相应;祝辞笑浪起伏兮,芸芸相送急。

君且立一旁兮,美目探妾。

妾莹灯下伫立兮,心动不已。

感帝之杰作兮,使妾沉迷。虽与君相隔远兮, 心心相近。

旧日已逝兮,如梦。

会当临于阿尔卑斯山侧兮,滑雪于雪花飞舞之穹下。

欲说还休兮,惟祈安康。

航机渐逝兮,妾心将苦。

深知妾之愚钝兮,然君已窃妾心;妾当不可漠然兮,黯然彷徨。

妾亦尝忘君兮,恐失之交臂。

信有时兮,告君心迹。

挣于忏悔兮,退缩犹豫。

愚于处子之婚盟兮,窃纵意于君之诺。白雪皑皑兮,君挽妾身;妾意甚欢兮,聆圣诞钟鸣。

然钟声忽止于急雨兮,但闻撒旦之欢声笑语。

含泪倩笑兮,吞泯于暗黑。

欲将君之发揾君之泪兮,可欤?伸手所触兮,惟一叶飘零一滴飘洒。观积雪融兮,叹与君各在天涯。

共有 13 条评论

  1. Unknown Unknown Unknown Unknown

    看似还真的是你原版的翻译好,不知道是不是认真读的了缘故:) 咬文嚼字,但不做作:) 不得不说一个字:牛

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